A school task - 'Write A Rant About Anything'

The first cinema was built in 1919 and people used to go in their fineries to watch and marvel at this unique exhibition. Oh how times have changed. Cinema etiquette has rapidly decreased.

Don’t get me started on the people 4 rows down who can not watch a 2 hour film without having to go to the loo- why can’t they go beforehand? Or what about the people behind me who resort to kicking the back of my seat throughout the entire duration. How about the group of girls sitting at the front who, admittedly have their phones on silent, but do not consider that whenever they check their messages, the glow on their phone lights up the 4 rows behind them and distracts the whole audience. Can’t they wait 2 hours without outside communication? Honestly. The cinema used to be an extremely fashionable and grand night out. Now it is nothing more than a play school for bad habits and utter rudeness and disrespect for fellow cinema goers.

I’ll start with the latecomers. The average cinema ticket is already overpriced at £8 for an adult ticket. If somebody is willing to pay that amount of money to watch a film, they could at least be on time for the start of it. I am sick of settling down to watch the movie, lights are off and everybody is silent in the anticipation of what the film will be like and then…*shuffle shuffle shuffle* Late. Not only do they whisper to their friends as they awkwardly try to find their seat amongst the already crowded cinema, they can never find their seat in the dark. This results in having to get an attendant with a torch to show them to their designated place. Annoyingly, the latecomer will almost certainly find their way to your row and you will have to let them past as they clumsily block your view, they mutter ‘sorry, sorry, excuse me, sorry, thanks, sorry’ as they edge themselves past each person in the row, distracting others further and creating more of a nuisance of themselves.

Next, we have sniffers. I would like to watch this film without the risk of being seriously infected by what most be the sickest person in the world. The women next to you spends the whole 2 hours of the film routinely sniffing in a fashion that distracts you from the happenings of the movie every time. After about 45 minutes of the film, you glare at her and she realises that she is being annoying. First, she blows her nose which grabs the attention of the whole theatre. However after about 5 minutes, the sniffing starts again. She realises her dilemma and resorts to even more annoying and frequent staccato sniffs. This frustrates me so much that I feel inclined to call a doctor or tell her to go home and rest until she is better. For everybody’s sake.

I do not for the life of me understand why cinemas sell popcorn and other such disgusting foods. The boy in front of me sits there with a jumbo sized box of salty popcorn, which probably cost him £5, almost the amount of a child’s ticket. Despite this high price, at the end of the movie, I peer over my row and see that he has left half of it on the floor. Throughout the film, I have seen him constantly flicking popcorn at his mate, dropping handfuls of it onto his lap as he tries to eat too much at one time and wriggling about in his seat so much that he spills his tub onto the sticky, greasy floor. Of course, the boy waltzes out at the end of the film, oblivious to the mess below his seat, and taking it for granted that somebody else will clear it up. Would he do that at home? Nope. May I also add, why did the family sat behind me choose to bring a family size pack of chocolate éclairs to munch their way through? I am sick of hearing the rustle, crackle and crunch of the noisy sweet wrappers throughout every piece of dialogue in the film. Back to the popcorn, to be honest, it is as much as the cinema’s fault as it is the audience’s fault; cinemas are already greedy with ticket prices which cost almost the amount of a DVD anyway. Yet they still think of other ways to rip us off. They sell cheap popcorn and impractical sweets which are distracting to everybody around its consumers. It would take the cleaners half the time it takes to clear a cinema, if they didn’t sell such ridiculous, messy food.

I also want to mention the incredibly selfish people who choose to occupy more than their allocated amount of seating by draping their coats and bags over them. If they want an extra seat to use as a coat hanger, they should pay for one! Not to mention the common obscurity of people resting their feet over the seat in front, that is just plain rude- nobody wants dirty, greasy shoes in their face as they snuggle down to watch the over priced film. It shouldn’t have to be mentioned- it is common decency that people should know to keep their feet on the floor! And not only that, why do people leave a gap in between each group whilst choosing where to sit? It means that, come the start of the movie, the last few people coming in dribs and drabs can not sit together.

If I owned a cinema, I would force all late-comers, toilet-goers, nose-sniffers, popcorn- throwers and seat-stealers to eat every single one of the smelly, greasy jumbo hotdogs in the cinema, and then single handedly mop up the floor with a toothbrush until the floor is clean enough to project a film onto.