"I'M A D-LISTER, GET ME OUT OF HERE!'

It happens every year around Christmas; much like the allocating of a secret Santa and realising that the person you have chosen is the only person you do not know, or the inevitable struggle to balance the star on top of the tree.  It’s also similar to these events in the sense that we try desperately hard to avoid them every single year, relentlessly vowing ‘I’m never doing that again!’, but somehow we always end up getting sucked into the whirlwind of the optimistic Christmas spirit and naively hope ‘this year it will be different’. Of course, I’m talking about ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!’ (to those lucky ones who managed to break away from the wrath of Ant and Dec’s tedious jokes, you heard right; yes, it’s still on). Every year, we promise ourselves that evenings will be spent playing endless games of scrabble, singing round a piano and getting on top of the vast work load. But every year, the same idiot in our friendship group mentions the gossip of the jungle, and with a deep sigh, our promise of a bush tucker trial-free Christmas is quickly recomposed to the tune of ‘one episode won’t hurt’. Next thing you know, the festivities are amongst us; mince pies are on sale in Morrison’s, Santa is making his rounds to the school fetes and church fundraisers, yet the only concern in your life is the fact that the campers only have two out of eight stars so they only get half of a kangaroo’s foot to share for dinner.

Annually, whilst pretending to be doing something worthwhile online, we stumble across the ‘LEAKED I’M A CELEBRITY LINE UP’ article on ‘Yahoo! News’ . Pfft… ‘news’! With great disappointment, we realise that the producers are, once again, scraping the celebrity barrel. Clearly actual stars have more sense than these ‘wannabies’.

So what do you need for the generic ‘I’m A Celebrity’ group? Firstly it goes without saying that you need a heart-throb. A male heart-throb. One of those people of whom the parents will roll their eyes, the teenage girls will swoon over, and the boys will write sarcastic Facebook statuses about, whilst the rest of us sit back and wonder ‘but who is he?’  

Next you need an airhead. She and The Heartthrob are likely to hook up after he sees her washing in the nearby stream. Needless to say the same image of her will be plastered over certain newspapers (*cough* ‘The Sun’) the following morning. Of course, this ‘admiration’ is definitely due to her outstanding personality, not the ill-fitting bikini she sports which bares more of a resemblance to a plastic ‘Tesco’ carrier bag which has split under the weight of two melons being carried in it. Whilst fathers in the living room pretend to be reading the newspaper but, rather blatantly, gawp at The Airhead in her swimwear, the female viewers among us all collectively wonder how she, and the rest of the I’m A Celebrity ‘stars’ have such blemish-free skin and  smooth legs and underarms when luxuries such as make up and shavers are banned. Funny, eh?

You then need a handful of soap stars and old has-been sports personalities to fuel the fights, tantrums and arguments that will, rather dramatically, split the camp. Of these, one of them will be old and won’t want to get involved much (don’t worry, they will be voted out rather quickly) and one will be an American actor who nobody recognises. I hate to ruin the surprise, but if there is an old member of a boyband, it is 80% probable that they are going to win. From the very first episode, we will be able to tell this and they will be the general ‘nice’ guy that everyone gets along with. The main rule is that if they have swooshy hair, a nice face and haven’t exchanged harsh words with anyone in the first four days, you have your winner.

To be honest, watching the promo for the upcoming episode of ‘I’m A Celeb’ will give you as much detail about the happenings in the jungle as watching the whole show would. Don’t fall into the trap of being hooked by ‘tonight’s drama’ as the gushing tears and cat fights are as much as you will see on the advert, the only difference is that the TV programme runs for at least 57 more minutes, during which time, at least three of the celebrities will be trending on twitter after a nasty scrap. 

The bush tucker trials are, without a doubt, the most exciting part of the show. We all gag at the eating trials, and admire the poor soul that is so desperate for an ounce of fame that they will sit and eat various anuses and testicles in front of millions of viewers who are all urging them to throw up . There is also the one celebrity who, every year, provides us with genuine belly laughs at their reaction to a couple of creepy crawlies. What could possibly go wrong? The show would be so much more interesting with a proper element of danger; perhaps the possibility of one of the campmates being killed by a savage kangaroo (or at least a little bit poisoned by a scuttling spider). How do the celebrities get so worked up by these trials? ITV would, much to our disappointment, never allow anything remotely risky on their channel anyway.

Admit it; it’s true. The Jungle antics are the same every year, the producers have ‘copy and pasted’ every aspect of the show for the past ten years, merely changing names and the tone of the classic swear-word ‘BLEEP’ because they think we won’t notice. We do notice, however, so why do we watch it? Why did we give in and watch it last year? And more importantly, why will we give in and watch it next year? I’m An Addict, how do I get out of here?

Write an 'entertaining article' about which words you think might disappear within the next 100 years

There is never any ballyhoo when words in our language disappear.

Spot the odd one out. As great as it would be if ‘ballyhoo’ was used in our language today, it has disappeared so much to the extent that it took several ‘Googles’ to completely define its full meaning. There’s another one - ‘Google’. If we slipped it into a conversation 50 years ago, no matter who we were talking to, the guaranteed response would be a blank face. This word is so common now that the majority of people around the world understand it, yet it has only existed for a short time. But how do these words shift so much without us realizing? There wasn’t a set date when people decided to remove ‘ballyhoo’ from circulation, yet there must have been a reason that it was changed for more contemporary vocabulary such ‘commotion’ and, more recently, ‘hype’.

It’s strange to think that, in perhaps as soon as 50 years’ time, we will have a new range of words to get to grips with, and some of our words that we use every day might be forgotten or replaced, but which ones have sticking power?

Clearly with the invention of the mobile phone and internet (of which most of us confidently declare “I caaaaan’t live without it!”) there is a whole new dictionary of words that have become second-nature to the English language. When phones first developed the texting function, the dual-function keyboard meant that it took a while to type out a standard message, hence the invention of shortened words using acronyms, initialism and contractions such as ‘LOL’, ‘G2G’ and ‘coz’ (which are, like, totes uncool now). With the further improvements in this technology (such as the touch-screen), typing on mobile phones is merely a matter of *tap tap tap* before a long essay is synchronically sent to the recipient who awaits an almost immediate reply. In theory, this means that these words will disappear as there is no potential for them. Moreover, now that they are so widely used, they have an effect much like when your mum starts to listen to ‘Daft Punk’ or ‘Eminem’; they lose a lot of credit and the average age of their user-ship spikes.

Which words will disappear? From trends we have seen in the past, our swearword vocabulary is surely to, not so much disappear, but change in terms of what will become acceptable to use. The context of our future suggests that perhaps the casual use of racist terms such as ‘n*gger’, or sexist terms such as ‘c*nt’ – which are often referred to as ‘the worst’ swear words – are likely to become diluted with their over-use and the modernising society, much like religious terms such as ‘damn’ have become more acceptable to use since the decrease in the church’s influence. Having said this, it is likely to take a long time for older generations to accept this semantic shift – using the intensifier ‘bloody’ at the dinner table on Sunday afternoon is likely to go unnoticed by everyone except granny, sitting in the corner and choking on a roast potato as she declares, ‘if I said that in my day, I would have got a slap on the wrist’.

It’s hard to tell what words we will still be using in the future, but they are likely to be ones that are used by all ages, because they are less prone to becoming unfashionable with a currently wide and varied usage. Words such as ‘cool’ and ‘bloke’ are an example of this because, unlikely the travesties which are the words ‘twerk’ and ‘yolo’, they are already used by older generations, and people have thus accepted them as mainstream. Whereas the younger generation are likely to feel incredibly uncomfortably if their mum starts to shout ‘yolo’ or tries to twerk, because the words were implemented by young and credible figures, therefore they were never meant for the oldies.

On the 11th year of skiing...

There is nothing worse than standing at the top of an icy ski slope, wondering how on earth you are going to get down on the two strips of wood that the uncomfortable boots on your aching feet are clinging onto. Actually, the only thing worse would be the addition of an impatient instructor and a crocodile line of other peers watching from the 12 meters below. This was me – ‘the one at the back’ and I used to dread these holidays every year. The constant worry of how I was going to stand up if I fell over (It’s been 11 years and I still can’t regain my stance without taking my skis off). The faraway voice of the vaguely attractive instructor yelling in a thick Italian accent ‘LOUISEEEEEE, PARALLEL SKIIIIIS!’ as I, quivering from the top of black slope number 3 correct him for the 6^th time, ‘it’s Louisa’. Not to forget the undignified trek through the village every afternoon as I struggle to carry all of my equipment without dropping it; beads of sweat dribbling down my face like snowballs rolling down the mountain.

I always told myself that the reason for being ‘the one at the back’ was because of the accident I had 11 years ago where dad took us down blue number 14 instead of blue number 11, and I ended up rolling (head first) towards the cliff edge with a suddenly rather flexible knee lumbering behind me. That was year 1; torn ligaments, crutches, and not being able to go on the slide at ‘Avon Valley Country Park’ for 5 weeks because I was in a plaster cast.

Years 2 through to 6 were not much better. There were no more trips to the hospital but I was still adamant that, no matter how many snow-plough turns I did, I was not going to get down the mountain in one piece. 6 days a year of skiing had brought me anything but a talent for skiing. Every January I would realise that, in less than 3 months, I would be stood at the top of another unpassable slope, with yet another impatient instructor urging me down, and more bratty children snaking past me as my tears steam up my sunglasses. It would literally be the biggest dread of the year.

I will never forget the day my mum told me that we ‘weren’t going to bother with ski school this year’ rather casually as we sat in the car at some red traffic lights. I felt like a massive weight had been lifted, and my mum was actually really surprised at how relieved I felt. I always enjoyed the afternoons in La Thuile, skiing with my family and some friends, and it occurred to me that I now have nothing to worry about. My mum and dad would always wait for me, a couple of meters behind, to pick me up when I fall over.

11 years since I first squeezed a pair of uncomfortable, clumpy size 5 ski boots onto my feet, I have returned from yet another week of skiing in the sun – this time in Cervinia. As corny as it may sound, I absolutely love skiing now (and might I add, I’m now fairly good at it!). On day 2 of our holiday this year, I saw a tiny girl, she must have been about 6, fall over at the back of the group in her ski lesson. She couldn’t get up and if anything was going to metaphorically represent the changing of my enjoyment and confidence on the slopes, it was going to be a (cheesy) scene where I side-slip down and help her stand up and put her skis back on. I’m not self-congratulating or anything; it just made me realise that I have overcome this massive confidence issue that I once had about snow sports. I know that ski school is useful to build up skills and confidence, but often all somebody needs to pick themselves up, and brush themselves off is a little TLC.

A (very long) The Trueman Show (for a piece of school work)

We all felt a bit paranoid after watching The Truman Show. What is real life? As Truman Burbank (Jim Carrey- Bruce Almighty) suddenly realises all is not what it seems in Sea Haven, we play along with the game; desperate for Truman to see what his life really is- a TV show. Ed Harris plays the determined and controlling Christof, owner of the controversial ‘fish-tank-like’ programme following the life of Truman, a television idol since birth. As we see the audience glued to their screens watching Truman’s every move, we realise how much power the media has in our modern world; this was the principal moral of the movie. Peter Weir is the real director of the film and he makes us feel that we are the audience watching the show, with occasional imperfect camera angles, discreet clues about the real world and special effects to add feeling to each scene but still keep the star of the show ignorant to his fame. Without much information on the storyline, only knowing that it was a sci-fi drama based around a TV show, my expectations were quite modest and it completely exceeded my predicaments, due to the clever methods of filming the show and the originality of the storyline.

Truman’s apparent normal life is suddenly thrown into confusion when he pieces together the small aspects that don’t seem to add up in his world. We watch him trying to overcome the discreet manipulation that the TV producers use to turn his ignorance into a high-rated show. I found the film very interesting and gripping, despite being borderline predictable and having a slow start. The climax was exciting and kept me on the edge of my seat, pleading for Truman to be granted justice and the ability to get out of Seahaven.

Jim Carrey does a fantastic job convincing the real audience that Truman is clueless about the show. He plays the character well, using good actions and facial expressions to portray the idea that Truman is suspicious and paranoid about his life. We sympathise with him because we see how innocent and genuine he really is, and how he has been controlled throughout his life. Laura Linney plays Truman’s wife, Meryl- she does a brilliant job in portraying her character as a bad actress, making a few slip-ups in keeping the secret quiet from Truman. Her facial expressions are unconvincing, forever reminding us that she is acting as Truman’s wife, tactfully edging away from him and remaining professional around him, never looking very comfortable. She didn’t gain any sympathy as it was her decision to trick Truman for her own benefit; she manipulated him and never took him seriously. Ed Harris (Christof)’s character is ambiguous to Truman; at the beginning, he plays a God-like figure to him, creator of his world. However at the end, we see that he has watched Truman’s whole life and feels protective and paternal over him. In the end scene, when Christof reveals everything, we realise he is upset to see him leave, his voice becomes softer and his words to Truman are fatherly. We can understand how Christof felt, wanting to keep Truman in Seahaven for longer, but I don’t sympathise with him. He might feel a love for Truman now, but originally he did it for entertainment purposes. In an interview, the interviewer says ‘Thanks for giving up so much of your precious time to talk to us’, Christof acts like this is a generous thing for him to do, but Truman has given his whole life up and Christof doesn’t realise how differently Truman could have lived without being on the show.

The scenes are shot in a very natural and interesting way. The settings are beautifully lit, always very bright and colourful with plenty of detail. The cameras are cleverly positioned; many are from specifically low or high angles, giving the feeling that Truman is being watched. It singles him out and makes him look alone, the only one who doesn’t know the truth behind his life. Sometimes the angles make him look smaller and more vulnerable. Many cameras are hidden in the costumes and sets. To show this, some edges are blacked out, giving the effect of a button or desk camera. Sometimes, with these angles, the cameras are very jolty and have more noticeable zooms. This portrays people purposely watching him. During Truman’s life, the technology improves. We see him as a baby staring at a mobile above his cot with a camera hanging off; as Truman grows, the cameras get more discreetly hidden and the shots less ‘perfectly’ placed and captured. In the last scene, as Truman steps out into the real world, we only see darkness, symbolising that he has been watched his whole life and now he should be free.

The soundtrack to the film is very subtle and natural. It means that Truman is always in the spotlight. Watching the film, I didn’t really notice much backing music, but when I did notice some, it added emotion and atmosphere to the feeling of the scene. It draws people in and the simplicity and sincerity of the melody added to the innocence of Truman.

This film is topical in our age of reality TV shows and celebrity personalities- it is often compared to George Orwell’s ‘1984’, which is similarly about being watched and lack of freedom. As somebody who enjoys watching reality TV and often reads Hello magazine, I completely understand how Truman was manipulated into a celebrity-shaped TV star for the public’s enjoyment. The last scene really links to real life, where the audience (previously gripped to their screens throughout Truman’s last shows) switch to another channel and have nothing else to say about the show’s dramatic finish. It portrays that fame isn’t forever and media is always forgotten. It shows that the audience only wanted entertainment, and didn’t care for the effect it had on Truman. I would recommend this film to anybody older than 12, who enjoy reading about celebrities and reality-life, because it gave me a great insight into how a celebrity must feel, being watched everyday; however I don’t think anybody younger would understand the concept, or notice the film’s subtle details.

The Truman Show was extremely cleverly written, and the storyline was enjoyable to watch. I would rate it an 8/10, because I haven’t ever seen a film like it and I thought the extra effort taken to see the film from interesting camera angles improved it lots; it lost out on 2 points because sometimes, it was quite slow moving and confusing.

Teenage Swearing

When I say ‘damn’, you hear ‘suffer eternal punishment in hell’
As a 16 year old, I am more than confident in expressing my opinions or merely thoughts using numerous swear words, sometimes over excessively. As with many of my friends, we find ourselves saying phrases such as ‘fuck off’ or ‘that was shit’ and this is widely recognised by most people as, not only an insult, but a way of emphasising a point. However in the literal sense, these phrases sound ridiculously childish and don’t even make sense. According to the British dictionary, when my sister grabs the remote and switches channels, I tell her to ‘sexual intercourse off’ and after seeing the fourth Twilight film, I retorted ‘that was faeces’. Well clearly it wasn’t but the use of this language has developed in a way that one should take offence to these phrases. Furthermore, words like these are used so commonly that many people, mostly peers to my age group, have grown immune to them and calling your best friend a ‘whore’ is now seen as more of a sign of close friendship.

Having said this, people in the older generation do not react to the words in the same way. They are neither immune to the words, nor viewing them in the literal ‘Oxford dictionary’ sense. After telling my dad ‘this pasta tastes like crap’ and remarking to my mum that ‘my teacher is a bitch’ I was sent to my room and the wifi was turned off. Please note, when the wifi is turned off in my house, it is a big deal. In fairness, I do not think that my parents are naïve enough to believe that I don’t swear at all, I think that with teenage swearing, the parents first experience shock that their child finally knows these words and is choosing to use them, losing their innocence. Most parents do not teach their children these words, so it comes as a surprise when they pop up in conversation – how did she learn these? Naturally, the parents make it very clear that these words are unacceptable but as with anything, if one is told not to do something, ‘caution hot surface’, they will probably try to do it, ‘shit that’s hot’.

The parent’s despair comes from when they realise they cannot stop their children from learning these words. The frustration of taking time to monitor their teenager’s television viewing and reading to ensure these profanities are not taught to them, and then realising that someone at school has filled them in with the latest curses must be overwhelming. It is somewhat worse as the parent does not even know which words are in their vocabulary, and so every mother’s worst nightmare is their child spontaneously quoting Ron Weasley at Sunday dinner with the grandparents by exclaiming ‘that was bloody brilliant’. Perhaps the child does not even realise that this can be seen as offensive for people who were brought up to understand the word as blasphemous, and so when granny starts choking on her roast potato after this comment, the child is none the wiser, they have merely complimented her cooking.

Teenagers are forever trying to overstep the boundaries; I personally know that swearing will make my parents go ballistic at me during an argument, which is my exact aim. However similarly, I realise that my parents use the words too, just not as often and general. This means that even they realise it would be hypocritical of them to take offence at me using these words so the need for punishment comes when they are used unnecessarily or to purposely cause offence. I believe that people think teenage swearing is an issue not because nobody else knows these words, but because they are taught them by other people so they come as a shock, even though most of the time one is not trying to offend. The universal definition for swear words has been naturally changed so generations have different ideas on one’s intention after saying these words. 

A (fairly serious) article about an issue facing teenage girls today (school work)

One of the most prominent problems facing teenage girls today is the latest media technology that is available to them at their fingertips. Despite the fantastic changes it has made to society, it also has a more negative affect on some aspects of our lives.

Firstly, the invention of the contraceptive pill in the 1960’s enriched the lives of so many people. It meant that children were not born into families where they were unwanted or could not have a stable life, and it gave women a choice about what they wanted to do with their lives. However in these modern times, this easily obtainable pill has become far too common so more and more girls (and their partners) take for granted the fact that they can have sex without getting pregnant. This increases the pressure for girls to have sex in an unstable or new relationship.

Additionally, the development of media in the 21^st century means that role models to young women have dramatically changed. Whereas 100 years ago, girls would have looked up to authors such as Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott, or their favourite characters from books, with the invention and success of the television, they now look up to the likes of the Kardashian family, people from reality shows like ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ and other such celebrities. This means instead of having realistic aspirations such as becoming a servant for a rich family or having a respectable and well-paid job, girls are now obsessed with mimicking the ‘model’ look and becoming famous. These expectations encourage girls to try and change their image to look like their favourite celebrities, which in some cases makes girls want to become super-skinny and painted in make-up. Young women do not have as much time, nor money, to achieve these looks so as a result, try to rush their appearance using crash diets and overpowering make up.

Furthermore, new technology such as digital cameras mean that girls are bound to be snapped anytime they socialize, so for them, looking good is a necessity. Networking sites such as Facebook make it so much easier to share photos, and also comment quickly and easily. This gives girls another insecurity; it is too easy for people to make comments or judgements over people they barely know, so girls are unconfident and self-conscious, forever needing to look attractive. In television, one style usually takes over the world of celebrities for a few months and so in this time, normal girls are expected to take on this image – girls who don’t are usually bombarded with offensive labels and stereotypes, such as being ‘emo’.

The recent progressions in the world of plastic surgery now teach different morals to young women; the fact that it is so easy to have a blemish removed, or body parts changed gives the idea that imperfections are not acceptable and we should all change ourselves to become ‘perfect’. Cosmetic surgery pressurizes people about their image, and celebrities whose surgical enhancements have been widely publicised advertise the fact that unnaturally changing the body is the ‘cool’ thing to do. Additionally, when girls eagerly look over the latest glamour magazines they see beautiful models pictured in articles, they do not realise that these have been airbrushed or photoshopped, so therefore they believe that they should look like this – this is a massive confidence breaker. With so many pictures of influential people looking perfect and fault-free, it is becoming an expectation that girls should look this way, when in reality nobody does.

I think technology has many fantastic advantages but as with many things, it also comes with a price. Our mothers and grandmothers would have been influenced by the Hollywood film stars of their day and would have tried to have copied their look and behaviour (like the craze of smoking). However, the difference today is the constant 24:7 bombardment of mass media and technology which makes it so difficult for young girls to be individual and stand out from the crowd.